Martyr-Free Mothering
Yes. It's possible.
Mothers are rewarded
for putting everyone else first.
Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we carry an image of the “ideal mother” as one who sacrifices everything for her family.
But something inside of us knows that’s not working.
We’re exhausted, resentful, snippy. We feel like we’ve lost ourselves, or at least the spark that brings us fully alive.
People tell us to “put our own oxygen masks on first” but no one ever explains how to do that. We're not given instructions.
Hell - we don’t even know where the oxygen mask is most of the time!
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.
You can...
Feel excited about your life
Feel delicious in your body
Feel supported by your family
Offer generosity and kindness in your relationships
Receive all the goodness you long for
As you read those words, check in with yourself:
What are you noticing?
Feelings of guilt or sadness?
Fear of being judged or blamed?
Uncertainty about what you need?
Skepticism that the people around you could help?
Confusion about how to even ask?
Frustration that you haven’t already done this for yourself?
Let that all go for a moment.
Get quiet. Listen.
Here is what we want you to hear:
If you could think, push, do, your way out of this, you would have already.
If a book or podcast could explain how to fix this, you would have found it (and sent it to all your friends).
If this were something you could shift on your own, you damn well would have — you’ve done everything else yourself, haven't you?
This doesn’t work that way. What we’re offering is something different.
Does it call to you?
Marty-Free Mothering
A 4-month facilitated circle for powerhouse moms supporting each other in letting go of rescuing and over-doing to reconnect to pleasure and self-trust.
How Does It Work?
The first piece is getting in touch with what you enjoy, what lights you up, what feels good. In short, reigniting your relationship with your pleasure.
Because when you feel good, you are in your power, and people follow your lead.
The second piece is learning to communicate from a place where everyone can win, where everyone's needs are important, where there's always a both/and to be found. This is communication that is equal parts clear and kind.
Because when we can ask for what we need without hidden agendas, connection grows.
The third — and maybe the most important — piece is practicing in community with other moms who also want another way, who've been there and have your back.
Because being celebrated when doing hard things makes them easier, and seeing other moms doing hard things shows us we can too.
Because some things we can only learn together.
Want to see what me mean?
Sign up for our upcoming Masterclass: Conflict is Sexy. Come get a sense of how we can work together and begin to loosen the grip of the good, polite girl.
Join Miki and Velma June 26 from 4-5pm Eastern Time to learn
-- Why politeness is so prevalent
-- The cost of politeness: to ourselves, our families, our communities
-- What to do instead, and how sexy that is
You can get your sliding scale ticket through EventBrite. We are charging for this event because when people put money in, they show up, and we want you to show up! (Plus, we know that this is a steal!)
The Details
9 Group Sessions
Live on Zoom
July 15, 29
Aug. 12, 26
Sep. 9, 23
Oct. 7, 21
Nov. 4
10:30–12 PT / 1:30–3 ET
Session details below
Private WhatsApp Community
Deepen connections with other participants
Receive questions and prompts to reinforce your practice
Join smaller threads for specific topics
Asynchronous
Individual Coaching
Exchange private voice messages or texts with Velma & Miki
Ask questions, lean in for support, share insights and learnings
Deepen your practice by integrating it into your day-to-day experience
BONUS
2 Live Individual Coaching Sessions
1-hour sessions on Zoom with Velma & Miki (co-coaching)
Before: Clarify your commitment
After: Integrate what you’ve learned
Your Investment
$1,500 (single payment)
OR: $600/month x 3 ($1,800 total)
Payment options: Venmo, Zelle, check
The Sessions
This will be a highly experiential and embodied process. Pleasure lives in the body. Clear communication comes from the heart. We’ll give your brain just enough information to relax and let you do the real work: feeling, noticing, receiving, listening, practicing.
Velma and Miki will share one or two core concepts in each session for 15–20 minutes. These will be a “fireside” format where one of us asks the other questions about the concept and how we’ve used it to navigate our real lives.
We will also share powerful practices in each session to help you shift how you’re thinking, feeling, or showing up. And then — most importantly — we will actually practice in the session and debrief on what you gathered.
Every session will include a dance break (or two!) to help us connect with our bodies and move through any energy that comes up.
We have a fun, quick, structured way to share what’s alive for each woman. We’ll do this early, toward the end, and whenever we’re craving our collective wisdom.
We’ll send you off with practices and prompts to engage with between the sessions (*psst* this is when the real shifts happen)
Key Concepts
Pleasure
Good Girl Conditioning
Desire, Rupture, Transformation
Driftwood
Drama Triangle
Choice from Co-Commitment
Non-Violent Communication
Boundary Setting
Conditioned Tendencies
Loving Acceptance
Parenting By Connection
Key Practices
Spring Cleaning
Swamping
Favorite Frames
Trinity
Somatic Awareness
Centering
Guided Visualization
Desire Journaling
Powerful Asks
Listening Time
Velvet Touch
Miki and Velma learned these tools and practices from Staci Boden of 7Directions Dance Ceremony and Turning Dead Ends into Doorways, Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand Parenting, Regena Thomashauer of School of Womanly Arts, and many teachers at the Strozzi Institute for Somatics.
About us
Hi, I'm Velma
I’m a parent coach and a pleasure coach. I’m the former Executive Director of Hand In Hand Parenting, a 7Directions Dance Ceremony facilitator, and a Pleasure Coach certified through the Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts.
I’m also the mom of a delightful teenager, in a neurospicy family. From my training and experience, I’ve seen how hurts get stuck in our bodies and in the bodies of our kids. I’ve also learned how to get them unstuck so that fun and freedom and our full authentic selves can flow forth.
Hi, I'm Miki
I’m a somatic energy guide and leadership coach. I’m also a 7Directions Dance Ceremony facilitator, a 4x business founder, and mom to two little boys (6 and 3).
Building a trusting relationship with my body and shifting co-dependent dynamics into clear, kind, co-committed communication changed everything for me: ended years of panic attacks, strengthened my marriage, allowed me to step back from leading my company to parent and pursue coaching, and helped me mother from a place of feeling deeply supported and able to enjoy and empower my kids. I love sharing what I’ve learned with my clients—and, especially, other moms.
Why we're called to this work
First, we want moms to experience more pleasure, ease, and purpose in their lives. We want that for everyone, but we know moms especially can feel like they're in short supply.
But/and/also: humanity is facing very big challenges right now. Our teachers call this a “breakdown / breakthrough” time. Systems we’ve come to expect and rely on are ending or changing radically. While this can be scary and overwhelming, it’s also an opportunity for new things to emerge that meet more people’s needs in a more aligned way.
Those new systems and ways of being will emerge from many places. And one place we hope they’ll spring up is in mothers’ hearts. Because moms, by their very decision to become a parent, show they care about others and the next generation. Mothers are trained up in serving something outside themselves, in loving even when it’s hard, in holding an unpopular boundary for the greater good.
You already have the instincts, the capacity, the LOVE, you need to improve your small (or huge) corner of our world. We want to help you clear the clutter and build your resilience, so you have the energy and time to dedicate where you feel called. This process begins with letting go of martyrdom, and embracing the pleasure that is the source of our power.
Miki is a grounded force.
Miki's ability to be grounded in herself allows her to be a grounding force for others. I can feel that she respects my perspective and autonomy, which allow me to explore possibilities without fear of judgment.
-Christina
Velma is the kind of pleasure coach any girl needs 🩷 in her life!
As a woman in my late forties, I was looking for answers and for help. When it comes to Womens sexuality, pleasure and desire, we feel so much shame for WANTING! It’s as if women are not allowed to want to feel alive, energized, sexual, or exploratory.
Velma helped me get in touch with the playful part of me that I’ve forgotten about; she helped me give myself permission again to actually be ME.
As a coach, Velma is fully present, wise, playful, curious, informed and non-judgmental. She is also forward- thinking .. and she loves to dance! Velma is the kind of pleasure coach any girl needs 🩷 in her life!
-Michaela, 48 years old woman
I received a medicine chest full of great treasure.
In working with Velma I received a medicine chest full of great treasure. She welcomed ALL of me–especially the parts I saw as bad or shameful--helping me soften and come home to myself. She was playful and nurturing, yet gently challenging me to show up fully to reclaim pleasure and self love. Most importantly, she embodies this work and it is clear this is her calling.
-Tami, Age 52
-Dana, Age 56
CURIOUS MINDS ARE ASKING...
DON'T SEE YOUR QUESTION ANSWERED HERE?
SEND ME AN EMAIL.
Do I really need to spend money on something like this?
If your child needed extra tutoring or coaching to get to a basic functional level in academics, would you hesitate? Is it ok for you to need a little extra support to get to a basic level of functional satisfaction and happiness in your life? Would your family be happier if you were happy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then yes, spending money on something like this is worth it. You’re worth it.
I’m overwhelmed and too busy already. How much time is this going to take out of my week / add to my schedule? Is there homework?
How much time each day do you spend being overwhelmed, stressed, or exhausted? Would you be willing to trade some of that for some time having a little fun? If you sign up for this group, it will be a minimum of 90 minutes every other week for our live calls. In addition, you'll leave the calls with practices you'll want to spend time with.
Are we going to talk about pussy?
Ooooh! I hope so! Because our pussies are the source of our aliveness and spark. Our pussies are our deep intuition. And the more we can celebrate the source of creation and life, the more in flow and joy we will be in our lives. If you want a head start on pussy talk, check out Pussy: A Reclamation by Regena Thomashauer.
I’m afraid of signing up for this and then not having the time or energy required to get the results.
That may happen. And that is what resistance looks like. Often, when we’re on the verge of making a change, we become very creative at finding ways to avoid the work involved in making the change. Resistance can show up in many forms, and it is so, sooo welcome. We can work with whatever you bring. I got you.
Interested?
Grab a cup of tea and let's chat!
If you think this could be for you, schedule a call with Miki or Velma. We'd love to connect!